Do We Really Want Diversity?

I have a saying, “Everyone wants diversity until diversity happens.” What I mean by this is, it’s easier said than done. I mean, think about it. If you are a parent, when your child is younger, they trust you implicitly. Then tend to be responsive when you say “it’s okay,” or “no, don’t do that”. Depending on the kind of child you have, of course. But when they become teens, something shifts. They start creating an identity for themselves apart from their parent(s) and with that, can come some conflict.

They may stop sharing your viewpoints or thinking like you. What you say can be met with challenge or disbelief. Or they may simply block you out altogether. This can produce feelings of frustration and anger or sadness and disappointment in the parent. Why is that? If we’re honest, we are having trouble accepting that our child is DIFFERENT. Especially, if they are demonstrating differences in areas that you have strong feelings about.This can be tough to admit so we often blame other things or rationalize our behavior as parents while criticizing that particular difference in our children. Really, we are having trouble handling a diversity of thought. This can quickly lead to conflict.

In business, we often encounter diversity of thought in leadership styles. In relationships, we may have experienced diversity of thought in perspectives on respect or what listening is. When it comes to race or gender or sexuality, we can encounter diversity of thought rooted in our varied life experiences. The more personal an experience, the more emotionally tied we become to that experience. Since emotions drive actions (along with thoughts), it is no surprise that many individuals and organizations struggle when it comes to living out DIVERSITY as a practice. This is also why companies that are not actively practicing diversity are often causing harm to its diverse employees. But what we sometimes overlook is that companies who are working hard at being more diverse, also cause harm in the pursuit of that diversity.

How can this be?

Because the actions that companies take are driven by their thoughts and emotions around diversity. The magic happens when we have leaders of organizations who are actively working on their own emotional intelligence. When those leaders make decisions that affect their people, we find less conflict and healthy practices in moving through the conflict. The lack of emotional intelligence in our leaders represents an imbalance in the synergy between thinking and feeling in decision-making. This means they are making decisions that are logical, ignoring their own or others’ emotions or they are making emotional decisions and not considering the logical approaches.

Emotionally driven actions can harm relationships but so can logically driven actions. Our ability to control our emotions is directly tied to our emotional intelligence. When you improve your emotional intelligence as individuals then you begin to create emotionally intelligent organizations. Emotionally intelligent organizations make decisions that cause less harm and when harm is caused, these leaders are intentional and responsive.

Therefore… the pursuit of diversity begins and ends with emotional intelligence.

Why does any of this matter? Oh! Because diversity is merely the entry to conversations around equity and/or inclusion. If you are having trouble at the entrance, you probably won’t do well once you get inside.

Things to consider…

What is your relationship with difference? How open are you at home vs. at work when it comes to this topic? What do you notice?

If you found this article useful, let’s connect and keep the conversation going!

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